Perimenopause: Wait, What Even Is This?

So picture this. We’re out to dinner, having a good time, laughing too loud, eating appetizers like we haven’t seen food in weeks. Then I excuse myself for a bathroom break, and guess who follows me in? Yep, my girlfriends. You know how it is. Women never go alone.

Now, we’re all squeezed in by the mirrors, washing our hands, fixing our lip gloss, and I lean over and say, “Ladies… can we talk? Because I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think I’m going through something, and nobody bothered to warn me. Have y’all heard of this thing called perimenopause?”

Cue the silence. Eyes wide. Someone nervously giggles. Another one whispers, “What is that, like the warm-up act before menopause?”

And just like that, we’re having the talk. Right there, in a public restroom, with strangers coming in and out. Because that’s what women do — we figure out life together, one awkward, hilarious conversation at a time.

Perimenopause: The Opening Act

So let’s get into it. Perimenopause is basically the “pre-game show” before menopause. The word itself literally means “around menopause.” It usually starts in your 30s or 40s, sometimes even earlier, and can last years before your periods officially stop for good.

It’s like your body’s way of saying, “Sis, we’re winding down, but we’re going to make this transition so dramatic you’ll never forget it.” Hormones start to shift. Estrogen and progesterone, those two divas who’ve been running the show, start acting like they don’t know their lines anymore. One day they’re up, the next day they’re down. And we’re left trying to live normal lives while our bodies are holding a talent show without rehearsal.

The Sneaky Symptoms Nobody Talks About

The thing about perimenopause is it creeps up on you. Nobody sends a calendar invite. No announcement comes in the mail. You just start noticing little things and wondering if you’re losing your mind.

Here are a few sneak attacks:

• Your periods become unpredictable. Heavy one month, light the next, gone for two months, then back with a vengeance. It’s like your uterus is freelancing.
• Hot flashes and night sweats decide to show up uninvited, just to remind you they exist.
• Mood swings have you crying at commercials, then snapping at the drive-thru worker for forgetting your fries.
• Sleep? Forget it. You either can’t fall asleep, or you’re wide awake at 3 a.m. making grocery lists in your head.
• Brain fog rolls in like a bad weather front. Words disappear. Names vanish. And you suddenly can’t remember if you already put detergent in the washer.

And let’s not skip the intimacy changes. Vaginal dryness, shifting libido, and the awkwardness of having to whisper to your partner, “Yeah, things don’t work quite like they used to.”

But here’s the kicker: not everyone experiences the same symptoms. Some women glide through perimenopause like it’s a gentle breeze. Others feel like they’re strapped into the world’s worst rollercoaster without a seatbelt.

Bathroom Confessions and Real Talk

Back to that bathroom scene. One of my friends leans in and whispers, “Oh my God, I thought I was just stressed out. You mean this is an actual thing?” Another friend laughs so hard she snorts, because she’s been blaming everything on her husband and kids. And suddenly, we’re all realizing — we’ve been dealing with perimenopause without even knowing the name of it.

That’s why talking about it matters. Too many women walk through this season thinking they’re crazy, broken, or just “off.” But sis, you’re not broken. You’re not crazy. You’re perimenopausal.

And naming it gives you power. Once you know what’s happening, you can stop beating yourself up and start figuring out what helps.

Humor in the Chaos

Let’s be real, some of the stories that come out of perimenopause are hilarious. Like the time I sat in a meeting at work, fanning myself with a manila folder like I was in church, because a hot flash hit me so hard I thought I was going to melt. Or when I yelled at my washing machine for “mocking me” because it beeped one too many times.

These moments aren’t glamorous, but they’re ours. And laughing about them is survival.

Quick Tip Breakouts

Three Everyday Shifts That Help

1. Drink more water than you think you need. Dehydration makes hot flashes worse.
2. Cut back on caffeine late in the day. It’s not your friend when sleep is already a struggle.
3. Move your body daily, even just a walk. Exercise helps regulate hormones and lifts mood.

Foods That Calm Hormones

• Flaxseeds: tiny but mighty, they help balance estrogen.
• Dark chocolate: magnesium-rich, helps ease stress and cramps.
• Berries: full of antioxidants that fight inflammation and fatigue.

Sleep Solutions for the Restless Nights

• Try layering your bedding so you can peel it off in the middle of the night.
• Keep a journal by your bed. Write down that grocery list at 3 a.m. and go back to sleep.
• A cool shower before bed can make a big difference.

Why This Matters

Here’s the truth, sisters. Perimenopause is not the end of us. It’s the messy middle, the transition, the season that tests us — but also teaches us. It forces us to slow down, to pay attention, to honor our bodies in a new way.

And when we start talking about it, laughing about it, and supporting each other, the shame disappears. Instead of feeling broken, we feel connected. Instead of being confused, we feel informed.

So next time you’re in the bathroom with your girlfriends, go ahead and bring it up. Say the word out loud: perimenopause. Watch their eyes widen. Watch the nods of recognition. And then laugh together, because once again, we’re in this together.

Final Word by the Sink

Perimenopause might feel sneaky, unfair, even exhausting. But it’s also a doorway. It’s the stage where we stop apologizing, start owning our truth, and learn to care for ourselves in deeper ways.

So let’s keep pulling each other into bathroom huddles, living room talks, and kitchen table convos. Let’s keep swapping stories, sharing tips, and laughing until tears roll down our cheeks.

Because perimenopause is not the enemy. Silence is. And as long as we’re talking, laughing, and lifting each other up, we’ll get through this — mascara smudged, hot flashes blazing, but still fabulous.

‍